Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
