So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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