hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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