she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
