Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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