You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
