shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
