Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
