So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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