OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
