So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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