Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
