So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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