id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
