Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize