I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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