So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
