dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have feelings that need drinking.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
