Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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