After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
