bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Everyone says I win the strip club
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
