Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
