I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
