remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize