thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need help removing her.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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