Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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