I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
