3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
