ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
