i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
