We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
