dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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