Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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