I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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