If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
