I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
