paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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