what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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