No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize