Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
