Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
