tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
