You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
