I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
