We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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