Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
