I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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