Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
