He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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