I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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