she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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