At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just gargled with NyQuil
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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