My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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