Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
