i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
