hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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