So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
