Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
