Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
