I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
