I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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