just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
