in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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