chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
