No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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