I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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